“If life hands me lemons, I make lemonade!”

Resilient for Life

Resilience is the ability to ‘bounce back’ from adversity; to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and keep going. As Mark Twain said:

“I have had many catastrophes in my life; some of which actually happened!

Happy_womanDo you know that most of what we worry about, never actually happens? Worrying only negatively impacts on how we respond by losing perspective or catastrophic thinking that impacts on our ability to deal with the event.

E+R = O

Event + Response = Outcome

Many people focus on the event that happens, but you may have no control over the event. The only thing you can control is how you  respond to what has happened and often when you change your response, you can change your Outcomes.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change! 

Do you want to feel good, happier and less stressed?  Your health and wellbeing can be improved by by improving your posivitity ratio. In the US Dr. Friedrickson coined the term ‘positivity ratio’ explaining that choosing hope over fear will raise our positive emotions and we will flourish. Fear closes our minds and our hearts and choosing hope opens our minds and our hearts.

Examples of Positive emotions that Build Resilience

  • Love – build in ‘micro moments of love into your day’ as our most powerful emotion makes us healthier and stronger. Connecting or ‘clicking’ with someone, strengthen us, build loyalty, commitment and social bonds.
  • Joy
  • Gratitude
  • Interest
  • Hope

Experience fewer negative emotions

Negativity is pointless and impairs our ability to cope; so what can we do? She suggests we question our negativity by

  • Not jumping to conclusions – for instance ‘my date is late, he’s obviously not interested, it probably over!’
  • Not Ruminating

From Stress to Well being is 3:1!

The tipping point is a ratio of 3:1; we need 3 Positive emotions for every negative emotions we experience to function. To thrive we need 5:1 positive interactions to negative ones. In the US  Dr Gottman has done studies with married couples and if they have 5 interactions where they felt appreciated, understood, resolved a difference to a single negative terse exchange, they were flourishing. Examples:

  1. ‘Thanks for the help’

  2. ‘I appreciate you being on time for dinner’

  3. ‘You look tired, sit down and I’ll make you some tea’

  4. ‘ You’re always so kind to me‘

are examples of positive interactions as well as humor, empathy or when love is expressed.

  • ‘You always let me down’

  • ‘You’re never here’

are examples of negative interactions which are far more corrosive in their impact than a positive exchange.

Notice the good-even when things are not great-Builds Resilience

Like keeping a food diary or track of your finances, keep track of your positivity ratio with a daily journal. Today, were you positive or negative? To flourish can you focus on what was good today. Did you see the blue sky? Did you notice the first signs of spring with daffodils starting to bloom? The improved economic outlook? How lucky we are to live here when so many have had to leave? Grateful for friends and family or a hobby you enjoy are all things to record.

Restrict the negative to flourish

Keep an eye on media consumption. Do you need keep track of every disaster worldwide? Is it pulling you down or building you up? Detox your friends, are there too many people who pull you down and from whom you come away burdened and weighed down? Balance this with making more time with the spark people in your life, from whom you walk away with a pep in your step and feeling good!

‘When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change’ 

Count Your Blessings to De stress

  • As you go about your day, focus on the good as positive emotions help you bounce back and take on the challenges you have to face.
  • Keeping a Gratitude journal is proven to increase your happiness over time. Record anything nice from the day and record what you did well, be appreciative of every little thing and be open to seeing the benefits even in something that happened that you would not have chosen, can you see any benefit in it?
  • Remind yourself of your achievements

Accentuate the Positive

Lightly create the mindset by developing a quieter and more reflective perspective helps in seeing the good in every little thing. Ask yourself ‘what would give you more joy? Dancing, a walk in the woods, a new hobby and give yourself permission to enjoy that.

  • Be Open to see the benefits in every little thing that happens to you – whether its natural beauty or human kindness
  • Be Curious
  • Be Kind (towards self and others)
  • Be Appreciative
  • Be Real and Authentic

A compelling reason to build more positivity

The more you experience positive emotions, the more of the ‘big picture’ you see. You

  • See more possibilities
  • Your scope is broader
  • You become more creative
  • You are more broad minded

Flourishing people are not just happier, they function in completely different ways. They are not restricted by fear or anxiety, instead they operate from optimism inspiring them and seeing more opportunity through a larger and wider viewfinder.’If life hands me lemonade, I make lemonade!’

The opposite is also true as the more you focus on the negative , the more you only see what’s right in front of you and the more narrow your perspective and focus.

Why not book a Lunch and Learn Workplace Health and Wellness Program with Sheila? See feedback from other companies who have done so:

  • Google
  • KBC Bank
  • Diageo
  • Colgate