Wellbeing is when our life is in balance and we feel in charge and ‘well’ in ourselves.
Stress & an absence of wellbeing
Increasingly,Parents remark to me that they feel under considerable stress and come into their parenting cranky, irritable and impatient with their children. They make the link between their behavior & their child’s subsequent challenging behavior. As they examine ‘how they are in themselves’ and resolve to stay calm that positive change happens in the home. If they are calmer – the children are calmer, if they are patient, and real’ with the child “I love you and don’t want to get mad with you, I need you to ..” children respond better.
Relationship with self is key to effective parenting. If how I relate to myself is poor, then it is likely that my parenting is going to reflect that. If I am self critical, then I will be critical of my child, who needs only love and for me to correct the behaviour but always love his/her person.
Parenting and Self Esteem
Examining how you relate to others is revealing as the parent is the architect in the family but how is your internal architecture? Do you have an warm accepting relationship with self and if so, this will be mirrored out to your child who will have good self esteem and be solid in themselves.
Practical Parenting Tips
- Be positive, encouraging and affirming with your child
- See the link between how you are in self is how you are with another
- Developing a gentler, kinder way of relating to self means you will relate also this way with your child
- Watch the relationships improve as you show compassion towards self and others
- Remember, your child is always more important than the behavior
Parenting: It’s not what happens; but my response to it that matters
If I try change what happens between people, without examining what happens within each person, I will not resolve conflict.
Difficult behaviour in the Family
Instead, if I accept myself & others they don’t need to become defensive. Therefore, if someone in your family is troubled or troubling, the number 1 response to that person needs to be compassion. Consciousness of what lies hidden is critical and compassion provides the safety for the ‘why of the behaviour to emerge.
Each of us has our own story and we bring our story into every relationship. The past comes into the present until we resolve it.
How do you improve how you relate to self?
By being nicer to yourself, taking some Time out for you, recognising that you first need to take care of yourself before you take care of others, treating yourself well and being kind and accepting of yourself and your efforts. Going to bed earlier means you can get up earlier; a simple change like that from where you normally rush & race, to now Allow Adequate Time to do things, then you are calmer and more patient and children will respond better to that mummy that the cranky, impatient and irritable Mummy!
Working Parenting Groups & Work/Life Balance & Health in the Workplace
Many working parents groups now focus on looking at Work/Life balance understanding that all without this balance, work and family suffer. The more the stress you are under, the greater the need to mind and take care of yourself, finding the half hour to exercise can make the rest of the day More manageable.
Watch what you eat and drink and take adequate exercise.
Be aware of portion size and avoid snacking. Find an exercise you enjoy and increase your physical activity, maybe with a friend, so there is a social element also.
Thinking well of yourself pays enormous dividends, so praise yourself for every little thing. Turn your negative thoughts “I can’t do it” to positive ones “I can do it”. Encourage and believe in yourself, aware that if you think you can do it, that you probably can. Change the inner critical voice to a supportive one. “I accept myself as I am”. Affirmations work “I handled that really well”
Make more time for friends who make you feel good.
Friends and family can be a great support if they are the ‘spark’ people in your life, so make time for them, their belief in you is important.
Workplace Health & Stress in the Workplace
You may need to learn to say No & stop pushing yourself so hard. Remember the 4 D’s: There are things I need to Do, some other things I may need to Delegate, Some I need to Delay & is there something I can Dump!
Conflict with our kids can often come from tiredness and overload , therefore do less, say no more often, and push yourself less. If it’s hard for you to say no, say you need time to think it over.
Positive Mental Health
Many mothers put everyone ahead of them, so an occasional treat shows you value yourself, and makes a difference to how you feel. It could be buying yourself some flowers or something for the bath, so don’t forget you need a bit of nurturing too!
Fun & Laughter
Have some fun with your kids. They love to see you acting silly, take time for tickles, cuddles and a laugh. Fun and laughter relieve tension and children feel valued when we choose to spend time with them.
You are a role model for your children therefore, the more you model self acceptance; the more they will accept themselves as ‘good enough’.